All My Love

My heart and head came to a consensus today with total agreement on moving on to something far better. I’m too good for him and I know that. I deserve so much better. It was like some serious infatuation that only became because I was getting some flirty attention. Right now I’m just in that stage where I’m so over it and I just want nothing to do with it anymore. At times like this, Taylor Swift is my role model. Beautiful, simple, and deep. However, I’ve got to get stronger. I think God gave me this whole drama-fest in my mind to teach me these lessons. I will not need to relearn this lesson because I was certainly paying attention. I’m not blaming him though because neither of us did anything wrong. What messed me up is expecting something that didn’t happen and I got upset. That isn’t love. I want to fall in love with my best friend. A man that loves me with all of his heart and isn’t afraid to talk with me. He loves being with me and will fight for me because he cares for me. I think that I am mature enough for a long-term, loving relationship but I am trusting God and His timing.

Looking forward to meeting the one who loves all of me all of the time. Someone I can trust with anything.

I love you.

Day One

I am starting over in my head today. It is the beginning of a new, independent me. As this day draws to a close, tomorrow marks the start of my journey to self-reliance and growth with God. And of course I know that nobody can make it on their own without help once in a while but I am tired of relying on other people and having expectations that only lead to disappointment. I absolutely love my family and friends but I am on a journey of self-discovery that will lead me to great places and I need to learn how to love myself, trust myself, and be patient. Good things come to those who wait, but great things can come to those who work hard for what they want. “Have enough respect for yourself to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.” -Robert Tew

Life is so exciting, though. I have never not made it through a rough patch eventually. I think that those who think they cannot get out of tough times in their lives have just lost the will to fight and the hope that tomorrow will be better. As impossible as it seems, just calm your mind. It’s okay. Everything will be okay. Life goes on but you have the choice of whether to get back up or not. Be decisive and do something about your problems. Or not. But don’t sit there and feel sorry for yourself when today is all that really matters.

This is the converstion I’ve been having in my head for the last month. I was overthinking everything and worrying about things that even I knew didn’t really matter. Isn’t it funny how we can have these whole little pep talks in our heads but when our hearts can’t seem to want to move on that we disobey our own logic? Now maybe you’re starting to understand how I’m feeling.

This blog will be my place to write down my thoughts and help me sort out my feelings. It’s not meant to be a dramatic diary but more of a deep dialogue of my thoughts where I can pose rhetorical questions, talk about my week, and share the little things in life that warm my heart. “Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”