Gen Y Girl

My senior year of high school, I had the genius idea of taking AP Physics, AP Calculus, and AP Statistics, all at the same time.

I pushed myself so hard that year all because I wanted to earn college credits and therefore graduate from college in less than four years.

I did that.

I started working a full-time job at the age of 19 and earned my bachelor’s degree in two and a half years.

I figured that if I got my degree early and had some experience under my belt, I’d be ahead of the game career-wise and would be taking steps towards my journey up the quote-on-quote career ladder. If I did this, I would be a few steps closer to becoming the VP of some great company where my work would consume all of my energy every day.

That’s what success looked like most of my life.

I was…

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Class is harder to maintain in today’s society. Just look at how our high school’s have changed. It’s all about looking sexy and attractive, being in a relationship, and having money. Values and morals have become a second priority to a lot of people. I try my best never to appear immodest or act, excuse my language, like a slutty bitch. I can tell when someone is being fake or when looking cute is their number one priority, but that’s not to say that I am not guilty of this at times. Looking pretty is important to me but values are the most important- no questions about it.

I show class by being respectful in every way I can. Respect is extremely important to me. If you act disrespectfully or are disrespectful in any way than I find that extremely unnattractive, sickening, and shallow.

There are some things I am working on, though.

  • My mom recently told me to dress tastefully. I found this to be the perfect word to describe how a lady should dress and I need to work on that.
  • I really need to work on watching what comes out of my mouth. Too often I speak before I think and I have regrets because of that. I should hold my tongue sometimes.
  • It’s important that I spend my time more wisely. I use electronics too often and I should redirect my focus to my studies and try reading in my free time or cooking.Keep some mystery and be tasteful in how you dress. Be respectful, caring, thoughtful, and slow down a bit. Our life styles are so fast-paced that it’s rare to truly enjoy the little things anymore. Live simply and quietly but stand up for what you believe in and be strong. Don’t take crap from anyone, be weary of trusting others, and be your own person. We all need people we can lean on sometimes but don’t be dependent on anybody. Do not worry. Do not be afraid. Get to know God.

All My Love

My heart and head came to a consensus today with total agreement on moving on to something far better. I’m too good for him and I know that. I deserve so much better. It was like some serious infatuation that only became because I was getting some flirty attention. Right now I’m just in that stage where I’m so over it and I just want nothing to do with it anymore. At times like this, Taylor Swift is my role model. Beautiful, simple, and deep. However, I’ve got to get stronger. I think God gave me this whole drama-fest in my mind to teach me these lessons. I will not need to relearn this lesson because I was certainly paying attention. I’m not blaming him though because neither of us did anything wrong. What messed me up is expecting something that didn’t happen and I got upset. That isn’t love. I want to fall in love with my best friend. A man that loves me with all of his heart and isn’t afraid to talk with me. He loves being with me and will fight for me because he cares for me. I think that I am mature enough for a long-term, loving relationship but I am trusting God and His timing.

Looking forward to meeting the one who loves all of me all of the time. Someone I can trust with anything.

I love you.

Heart vs. Head

So right now I’m in this heart vs. head internal struggle about a certain situation. My head says “No way you should pursue this person because he will not help to better you in any way and you already know how flaky he is. He’s not reliable at all and he’s not going to be there for you.” Meanwhile there’s this confusion with my heart whenever he is really flirty with me. At those moments in time I feel wanted. I feel like it has the potential to go somewhere. The bottom line here is that we were not friends before we started flirting and we have horrible communication on every level. I know this and what I mean is that we can’t sit down and have a conversation. We’re just really silly and have fun. I guess that tells me that that is all he’s looking for. But I still like him. I don’t know why but I guess it has to do with a few traits that I find attractive. I don’t know whether to go with the flow and not worry about it, flirt and hope for the best, or to stop flirting all together and move on.

I just plan on going with the flow because I don’t want to rock the boat. Yet as much as I love to flirt, I don’t have time for the guessing-game and I’d like a “yes” or a “no.” My heart and head are in a dead heat right now because I know what’s best for me but I also know that it’s not a bad thing to care about someone.

Maybe I’ve simply fallen in love with the idea of love.

“You can’t start the next chapter in your life if you keep rereading the last one.”

Day One

I am starting over in my head today. It is the beginning of a new, independent me. As this day draws to a close, tomorrow marks the start of my journey to self-reliance and growth with God. And of course I know that nobody can make it on their own without help once in a while but I am tired of relying on other people and having expectations that only lead to disappointment. I absolutely love my family and friends but I am on a journey of self-discovery that will lead me to great places and I need to learn how to love myself, trust myself, and be patient. Good things come to those who wait, but great things can come to those who work hard for what they want. “Have enough respect for yourself to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.” -Robert Tew

Life is so exciting, though. I have never not made it through a rough patch eventually. I think that those who think they cannot get out of tough times in their lives have just lost the will to fight and the hope that tomorrow will be better. As impossible as it seems, just calm your mind. It’s okay. Everything will be okay. Life goes on but you have the choice of whether to get back up or not. Be decisive and do something about your problems. Or not. But don’t sit there and feel sorry for yourself when today is all that really matters.

This is the converstion I’ve been having in my head for the last month. I was overthinking everything and worrying about things that even I knew didn’t really matter. Isn’t it funny how we can have these whole little pep talks in our heads but when our hearts can’t seem to want to move on that we disobey our own logic? Now maybe you’re starting to understand how I’m feeling.

This blog will be my place to write down my thoughts and help me sort out my feelings. It’s not meant to be a dramatic diary but more of a deep dialogue of my thoughts where I can pose rhetorical questions, talk about my week, and share the little things in life that warm my heart. “Life’s not about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”